5

Five years ago today we lost my Mom.

It has been 1865 days, that is a lot of days. Somedays it feels like it has been that long and some it feels like it was last week. 

We lost her to a nasty disease, I'm still bitter and angry but I've also come to peace with it over time. 

I remember the day and could relive the moments like it was yesterday. I think it is funny how we cannot remember things that we did a few weeks ago but can replay events like this over and over again.

Five years ago my life drastically changed forever. I lost the parent that I spent 17 years of my life with, the one who raised me, the one who we miss more & more each day. 

Today is hard, all of the milestones have been. I think that the first year with the first birthdays/holidays/graduations was the most difficult but I'd by lying if I said five did not hurt. Five is more than a few years - five is a long time and it stings a bit.  Five is a lot and a lot has happened in these five years. I left for college, transferred to a new school, graduated from college, got a job in the real world, moved out on my own, and my Mom wasn't able to be there for any of that. It hurts my heart to know she won't be there when I get married or have babies but it makes my heart happy to know she has the best view of it all.

I think back on these five years and I hope that I had made her proud. I wonder if she shakes her head when I make stupid decisions, laughs when we tell stories about her, and smiles when I achieve accomplishments. 

 I choose to try and celebrate today, her life, and who she was. Hug your people a little harder , tell them that you love them, and do not take a single day for granted. With every year that has passed I've learned that while I don't look a thing like my Mom I'm a lot more like her than I ever knew - I have her temper, her stubbornness, her hands/feet, her addiction to a good morning Diet Coke, but most of all her heart.

Yesterday we released five yellow balloons, a tradition that we have kept each year thus far. Five for the each year - yellow for her favorite color and suicide awareness.

We miss you more than I ever imagined possible Momma.

xo

Our Story

A Year Later

It has officially been a year since I graduated from college.

What.the.hell.

I still miss it just as much as I did the day I drove away from Farmville with my car packed but I have such a different appreciation for it now. It has been crazy to see some of my favorite people wrap up their journeys in the small little town of Farmville and it has reminded me of just how much my heart hurt but also how exciting beginning the next chapter was.

I remember being SO excited but also so sad that the best days were coming to an end, by the way you don't know that they were the best days until they are over. 

If you were to have told me a year ago what I am doing right now I probably would have laughed in your face. I never would have thought that I would be living where I'm living or working where I am working or doing what I am doing for that matter. The past year was filled with a lot of unknowns and unfamiliar things but it has pushed me to do things I never thought possible. I've learned that sometimes you surprise yourself the most and to roll with the punches a little more in life. I've learned that patience is a quality that wasn't my strong suit but it is priceless.

I would do a lot of things and pay a lot of money to relive my senior year but I also wouldn't change a thing. I hope that all of my favorites that are enjoying this last week that I'm so very jealous of. Enjoy every single last moment, you'll remember it forever. 

But, there is always a but - if I had to give a little advice I would tell you:

Make your own choices - make decisions that make you happy, put yourself first, and that is okay to be selfish at this time in your life. Save your money, really though - I thought my Dad was just being dramatic. Visit your family, talk to your family, call your family, and love them fiercely - there is nothing more important in this world. Lastly, your best friends are no longer down the hall or across the street, it is hard work keeping these friendships just like they are. Some fade, some get stronger but it is a two way street.

And I think that they'll always be the best four years. 

this & that

Well well well - long time no talk. 

Where did the entire month of April go? My Mom used to tell me that the days are long but the years are short & I don't think that this could be more accurate. I'm in slight shock that May has already rolled around, May means that I graduated from college a year ago. What. the. hell.

Time to play some catch up on here.

__________________

I've really settled in to Richmond these past few months, especially since I moved - not that I had a lot of settling to do, I've lived here pretty much my entire life. I've just found places I've never known about and I've really fallen in love with this little town, so much is in walking distance from us now and I honestly just couldn't be happier. 

This is home and there isn't anything that compares. 

 

I met up with some of my old work friends that turned into real amazing friends for a baseball game a few weeks ago. 

Parker's Mom graciously invited us all to her work event at the Diamond and it was so good to see everyone as always. I miss working with these guys every single day but it makes the time we spend together even better. There was also a taco/tequila Friday in the mix with the 5 of us last month but fortunately there are no pictures as evidence. 

I wonder if Adam misses us?

 

I made an impromptu trip up to Charlottesville on one of our first Spring like weekends to visit with some of my favorites. Katherine and I headed to Lauren and Alex's neck of the woods. We ended up going to a few wineries and ended the day at Bold Rock.

I always forget about some of the amazing places that we have right in our back yard - we always talk about how we have no excuse to not do this more often every time that we get together. Then a few months later we always decide it is time to meet up again.

The weather was amazing and the company was even better - I got my babe fix between Aria and Quinn. Missing these girls already!

Que Aria digging for gold. 

I headed up to D.C for a week for work right after my trip to Charlottesville. 

Shout out to Truluck's amazing parents - Momma C and BSR for being the most AMAZING hosts EVER.

I'm SO fortunate to work for such an amazing company with even more amazing people. I literally could not be more fortunate. It was awesome to be in the same place with people from across the country that we interact with on a daily basis. 

This week made me count my blessings more so than I already do - we learned a lot, laughed a ton, and just enjoyed. There truly isn't anything like it and I can't say that it could get much better, I don't think many people can say that they truly love going to work and the people that work with.

We ended our trip with a team Duck Tour and dinner, I've actually done Duck Tours in other cities before but I would say that D.C. was the best that I've been on so far.

Sometimes you need to see your people and sometimes you get in the car and do just that. 

I had not been back to Farmville since January and I missed my people more than usual - there is something about the drive back that just soothes my soul. I miss my time there, I miss having every single person I adore 5 or less minutes away, and I wouldn't trade my time there for anything in this world. 

It makes my heart so happy that I can jump in the car and see these guys in less than an hour. My Little actually went alum from Sigma Kappa on Friday along with my very favorites (Debs, I'm talking about you) and it was an honor to be able to share this weekend with them.

It is hard to believe that my time ended here around a year ago and it is amazing to think that some of my very best friends are leaving this little town for good in 3 weeks. Enjoy these least few weeks - they are the very best moments.

Steph and Brian got married this past weekend!

I hopped in the car on Saturday morning after Farmville and headed up to Nova for their gorgeous wedding. It was a beautiful day, an amazing venue, and Steph was a stunning bride. It is crazy to see people from college get married but it was an honor to be apart of their special day - I hope that you are both enjoying every single moment in Antigua as we speak!

And lastly, today is my sweet Nana's birthday. 

Oh how we miss this little lady around here, I hope that she enjoyed her day up in heaven play slot machines, watching Notre Dame, and drinking a cold beer.

Happiest of Birthdays to you Nana. 

 

xo