A Letter To Myself

I wouldn't necessarily classify myself as one that wears my heart on my sleeve, I'm more reserved emotion wise somewhat keeping them to myself. I've always been that way and I've found that it works for me.

I'm currently taking a class that requires blog entries (completely separate from this) for a sense of "reflection", our entries are assigned topics such as "15 Random Facts About Me" to this weeks "A Letter to Yourself". It was meant to be somewhat emotional and raw which is exactly what I found when choosing my topic.  I contemplated posting this on here for a variety of reasons but decided this is a part of my story and I'm proud of how far I've come, maybe someone can take a lesson away from my experience or have a little comfort knowing they aren't alone.

So, here is my heart. A Letter to Myself. And those left behind.

________________________________________________________________________________

"Meg, 

If you are reading this I am gone. Don't you for one second think this has anything to do with you. You have been a total joy in my life. I am so proud of you and the young woman you are. You need to go on with your life and follow your dreams. I am so sorry for all the short comings in your life. You have been what has kept me going for years. I am unable to provide for you the way you deserve. I will always be watching over you. I love you with all my heart. 

~Mom"

​Ten sentences is what I was left with along with what felt like thousands of questions at the ripe age of seventeen. Sitting here almost four years later after losing my Mom many of those questions still go unanswered but I've learned so many things about life and about myself. 

First, you are not alone. Sadly suicide touches the lives of way too many people, often ones that you do not even know are struggling. Use the people around you, let them lift you up when you are down and allow them to stand behind you during your highs. They're the ones that will become your family and be there for years to come.

​You are so brave. ​ Literally. This is most likely one of the hardest things that you will ever go through. Don't underestimate the difficulty and your hurt. You're making it through, take it one day at a time, and tackle things as they come. 

​Allow yourself grieving time.  ​ You deserve this and do not let anyone take it away or make you feel guilty. Let yourself feel sad, allow yourself to cry. You are human and it is what we do.

​You can move on. ​ As hard as it seems in the moment you will be able to move on with your life. Everyone has a different journey and a path that they will take. It takes time and is different for everyone but it will happen eventually. You deserve to live your life, do things you love, and enjoy yourself. 

​You will be happy again. ​ At first it almost feels wrong to think about the happy times but you'll come to a point where you want to hear those stories. You'll want to hear their laugh and tell those stories about the time you laughed until your sides ached. ​Don't be afraid to talk about them.

 ​

​You will take something good away from this.​ While at first it seems impossible you will learn so many things from this situation. You'll learn things about yourself you didn't even know along with this big crazy place we live in. You learn about who you are as a person, your strengths, your weaknesses, and exactly what you want or don't want. That is priceless. 

While I might have been left with those ten sentences and an empty spot in my heart I have grown so much. I've become a person that I am proud of and I wouldn't be where I am without my experience and my people. You figure out who matters and what matters. It has shown me who I am and what I aspire to be. It was a lot more than ten sentences. 

Circa 1989

Thanks Mom. xo

Our Story 

this & that

Another day, another week. 

 

Some weeks you just feel refreshed and recharged on Monday, well today is Tuesday but that is exactly how I feel and it is so...well refreshing.

We ended up getting some snow that I wasn't necessarily banking on so it was nice to have a little three day weekend spent doing things that I never have time to do, like clean my shower and baseboards. Such fun but so overdue. It makes me feel like a semi-adult.

Farmville catches up with you after four years, small town would be an understatement but you really learn to love it in an odd way. I'm going to miss this place and it's sunsets come May.

 

I've missed my Momma a lot recently, I made a trip to visit last time I was home and it was pretty overdue. I can't say that miss her mullet or the outfits that I was constantly forced to wear along with matching head pieces but boy do I miss her laugh.

If this isn't the truth then I don't know what is. Story of every broke college kid. 

This weekend was so good, some of my favorite people made an appearance in Farmville and it made my heart so full. It always stinks to have people leave and move on to the real world aka "adulting" but it makes the time that they spend visiting so much better.

We got more snow. Again. I'm over it. Again

It was more of a 12 hour snow/ice storm and then was 60 degrees this afternoon but was still a mess. It also explains why I'm currently on cold medication.

Big/Little reveal was also this weekend and we welcomed a new addition to our family!

More to come!

  

And lastly, I got to see my absolute favorite!

Happy Tuesday!!

photodump

It is Monday. Well it was Monday when I started this. It is now Tuesday.

While it is only Monday Tuesday I'm currently running off of around 5 hours of sleep and Friday seems a little too far in the distance for my liking.

And it is February, where did January go?

We got snow last week and I mean a lot of it, this was the most snow I've seen around here in awhile and enough where you couldn't go anywhere. I would say that we ended up getting around 10-12 inches after it was all said and done. While I'm not much of a snow fan it was actually pretty nice to have a few days to just relax and not have to be anywhere. It ended up being a nice 5 day weekend but I was ready to get back to a routine towards the end, things got pretty stir crazy around here.

This is what our parking lot looked like for days. I'm sure you can hear the enthusiasm in my voice.

I received some awesome big/little letters from my Little last weekend and I'm obsessed. They're perfect and I was so surprised.

I'm so proud of you Little and I can't wait to watch you become a Big this week!

We have lovely neighbors. We got a good laugh out of this.

A daily Millie-B update from my Dad, who I think is completely tired of me FaceTiming him to see a dog.

She is getting so big and it makes me sad that I'm missing it! Try and tell me that you don't want to snuggle that precious face.

We kind of live for Thursday nights around here and I think that this is an accurate representation of last week as a whole.

When townies want to take pictures at 202 you're obviously not going to say no. 

Greek Awards with these fools. 

Our weekend might have consisted of campus wide bingo.

 

I headed home for the day on Saturday and returned to a little chaos.

A lovely leak in our apartment. I wouldn't necessarily classify it as a leak rather a small flood but to each is own.

It started as a small spot in the ceiling which then progressed in under an hour to this weird bubble. It was just an odd situation all together, water was flowing out of it like a shower at one point.

Our neighbors upstairs ended up having a bad "overflow gasket", whatever that is. All their water ended up in our apartment which lead to our lovely Sunday evening spent in Farmville's own Hampton Inn.

This picture really doesn't do the amount of water justice, trust me.

We rallied and made it through, even though I'm pretty sure that we were practically delirious at 2:30 in the morning as there was talks of why the hotel pool wasn't open.

It is my 4th year here in Farmville and at Longwood and I finally made my first trip to High Bridge yesterday, I've been on the trail before but had never actually gone to the bridge itself. It is worth the haul, it was beautiful and a perfect 70 degree day.

My inspirational quote of the week:

"Instead of burning bridges you should cross them instead".

Last but not least Happy Birthday Debs!!

I hope you have had a wonderful day filled with everything that you love!! I couldn't ask for a better sister neighbor!